Tear-soaked pillowcase

So I’m bleeding and that means the veil is very thin

My mind racing faster than  my dark green pen

I keep having this one intrusive set of thoughts

It’s filled with you better kiss me and some kiss me nots

It’s simply put a memory of all my heart fluttering firsts

And the pain that can accompany them when being coerced

It was love for me  and a game for him

Since young love is blind, I “knew”’it was real

“Go ahead and kiss me by the locker room 

Cause if you don’t, someone else will soon”

Okay. Okay. But, I’ve never been kissed. 

I’ll cry a little to myself, then bite my lip

“Do it. Just do it. It’s just a little kiss, and if you don’t do it, you will regret it, there’s plenty of other girls, who want this”

“And you love me don’t you, then just go ahead, one little kiss won’t hurt, would you rather us end?”

Then a few weeks later, with his hand up my shirt, embarrassed and ashamed, but I better not speak my hurt. 

This will just make us closer, we’ve shared many moments intense and I’d rather do this, than let us  come to an end

Now onto his fingers,  exploring just under my belt and  then him taking my hand and placing it on himself. 

“See there, it’s not that scary, it’s not a big deal, we’ll figure this out, if only you will.”

Oh my God-I’m scared, what the fuck do I do, as he pushes my face to his waist and pulls my mouth to him  too

This isn’t right, I know my parents would be mad, but I’d rather let them down, then let him know I am sad

Okay. I guess I will, a new way to be close to know one another

Put the condom on, spread your legs, 

Hide our bodies under the covers

It wasn’t too much later, with a pillow-case soaked in tears

I wrote in my journal that losing him was one of my greatest fears

And by that time he had made it very clear

I was just a number, just a trophy 

It had never been sincere. 

And then the church had me believing my purity was my worth.

That a stain of blood between my legs was a sin of no reverse.

I’ve walked with eyes turned downcast

Had conversations with no eye contact 

Because my worth was tangled up

In that image and not my actual impact

I’m asking you now, on behalf of your daughters

Be vigilant in traversing these adolescent waters

And yes, even in the 6th grade, we have to stand strong

Say no and make them break up

When the coercion  game is going on

We must implement the boundaries when they’re so young they can’t. And that means we must talk to them to know exactly where they stand

Do they know 

Their  value is secure

Their identity is unshakable 

No one can take  away from them

What is unbreakable?

Are they aware that compromise is not always the best way

And sometimes being uncomfortable is all there is to say

Get up, walk out, and get pissed at the ultimatums too

Throw out the “but I love you promises”and to thine own self be true

Because if you don’t , THEY will go,  and you’ll watch your baby live with her  broken heart  soul

One that can still haunt them  at 37 years old…