So I’m bleeding and that means the veil is very thin
My mind racing faster than my dark green pen
I keep having this one intrusive set of thoughts
It’s filled with you better kiss me and some kiss me nots
It’s simply put a memory of all my heart fluttering firsts
And the pain that can accompany them when being coerced
It was love for me and a game for him
Since young love is blind, I “knew”’it was real
“Go ahead and kiss me by the locker room
Cause if you don’t, someone else will soon”
Okay. Okay. But, I’ve never been kissed.
I’ll cry a little to myself, then bite my lip
“Do it. Just do it. It’s just a little kiss, and if you don’t do it, you will regret it, there’s plenty of other girls, who want this”
“And you love me don’t you, then just go ahead, one little kiss won’t hurt, would you rather us end?”
Then a few weeks later, with his hand up my shirt, embarrassed and ashamed, but I better not speak my hurt.
This will just make us closer, we’ve shared many moments intense and I’d rather do this, than let us come to an end
Now onto his fingers, exploring just under my belt and then him taking my hand and placing it on himself.
“See there, it’s not that scary, it’s not a big deal, we’ll figure this out, if only you will.”
Oh my God-I’m scared, what the fuck do I do, as he pushes my face to his waist and pulls my mouth to him too
This isn’t right, I know my parents would be mad, but I’d rather let them down, then let him know I am sad
Okay. I guess I will, a new way to be close to know one another
Put the condom on, spread your legs,
Hide our bodies under the covers
It wasn’t too much later, with a pillow-case soaked in tears
I wrote in my journal that losing him was one of my greatest fears
And by that time he had made it very clear
I was just a number, just a trophy
It had never been sincere.
And then the church had me believing my purity was my worth.
That a stain of blood between my legs was a sin of no reverse.
I’ve walked with eyes turned downcast
Had conversations with no eye contact
Because my worth was tangled up
In that image and not my actual impact
I’m asking you now, on behalf of your daughters
Be vigilant in traversing these adolescent waters
And yes, even in the 6th grade, we have to stand strong
Say no and make them break up
When the coercion game is going on
We must implement the boundaries when they’re so young they can’t. And that means we must talk to them to know exactly where they stand
Do they know
Their value is secure
Their identity is unshakable
No one can take away from them
What is unbreakable?
Are they aware that compromise is not always the best way
And sometimes being uncomfortable is all there is to say
Get up, walk out, and get pissed at the ultimatums too
Throw out the “but I love you promises”and to thine own self be true
Because if you don’t , THEY will go, and you’ll watch your baby live with her broken heart soul
One that can still haunt them at 37 years old…