It was the night of a final full moon- the decade had been so long,
She’d had enough, done calling all bluffs, time to sing her old new song
So she stepped outside
And lit fire
To all the pages
All the phases
All the stages
All the faces
That didn’t serve her, and didn’t deserve her
Dropping them into to a jar made of glass
She watched as the water turned from clarity to ash
Shattered.
Something within her broke.
Held up her arms in the darkness and the smoke—
Yelled, “Moon-do your Work!
Can’t take another minute of sitting with this hurt.”
Closed her eyes, closed the door, closed the blinds
Turned on reality, turned off the lies
Sometimes the words come, without having to try
Then there she was, 15 year old me
Little blonde head, fairy wings, and big dreams
She said, “Stacy, you’re still me, and now you’re strong enough to set some boundaries. Only you can set you free.”
Climbed into my own baptismal bath
Soaking in the brokenness of the pain in my past,
Let the salty water, burn my wounds clean
Let the voices from within rectify me
I’m calling on you, You, the someone deep within
The one who holds the echos of my loved ones, my friends
I’m calling on You, to come and give me the words
The courage
The boldness that screams
You don’t deserve this, and you never did
I’m calling on You, for gentle wisdom in my bones
The kind that only comes when you refuse to throw stones
Help me be gentle, but HARSH
Leaving no room for longing in the dark
Help me speak every word with extreme accuracy
Leaving not a single gap for crazy-making
I have been silenced, but only we know
Time to break curses and time to let go
A thousand ancestors lifted me up out of the bath. Woundedness dripping off me, time to speak out the past
Leaving puddles of yesterday, down the wooden floor path, each drop holding memories of rage released on me in wrath
Yes, It was time enough, I was coming for me, Nobody else could do this work- if I were to ever be free
Didn’t need another soul, just the girl that I had been
Before I picked up his darkness and made it my friend
Phone rang. I began to speak, Unveiling Every Action that’d ever hurt me
Like the glass jar soaking in the moonlight illuminating every burnt trait that I’d accepted in my life
The moonbeams read them out to me, so I spoke them loud and clear, And each time I said, “No More,” a wound would disappear
Something spiritual was happening as I spoke my own worth over me, I was untangling the ethereal cord that had been attached from him to me
Finally, I could hand it back, Said, “I think this belongs to you.” I can try to help you unravel yourself
But I won’t carry it all for you, you’ll have to be the one to see this work through
I will not bear the weight of your wounds, I am not the reason for your pain
And all this time instead of healing yourself You poured your poison into my veins
I’ve choked on it, drowned in it, trying to get myself back to me, trying to come up for air from the pools of rage you spew at me
And if you’ll admit that you need help, Then we can find who you’re suppose to be
Before you were wounded, before you had bruises, before darkness called your name
I will stand beside you, but YOU have to lean into your pain
And, I am not your pain.
I. Am. Not. Your. Pain.
But I can be your full moon clarity, And we’ll call each wound by name. Call every single broken piece out until you are free from them,
We’ll watch every ash and ember that rises into the night, cause we know healing comes when we set our intentions in the glow of the full moonlight.
Singing Over My Bones 