I’ve known the depths of despair
Resting on my way from the bed to the shower
On the back of an armchair
“What am I still doing here…”
A pain so intense
My toothbrush, too heavy to lift
And to look myself in the mirror could mean my death
“All I am is nothingness…”
And then the energy finally comes for me to wash my hair
I sit on the shower floor and breathe in the humid air
Holding on
my chest pressed to my knees
Please please please
I need relief
Breathe breathe breathe
“If something in me doesn’t change, I’m going to have to leave…”
What have I done?
What can I do?
This cannot be the way to see this life through
But I don’t wanna be here for even another minute
I’m too far gone to hear my Inner Spirit
Knock knock knock
3 taps on the door
“Momma, whatcha been in there so long for?”
“Oh nothing much, baby, is going on in here,
Just needed a quiet place to send God my prayers”
Using a towel to dry my face
Her voice- the Holy Spirit’s Whisper that I must stay
“Even if it’s just for one more day…”
Singing Over My Bones 