Intrusive

I’ve known the depths of despair

Resting on my way from the bed to the shower 

On the back of an armchair 

“What am I still doing here…”

A pain so intense 

My toothbrush, too heavy to lift

And to look myself in the mirror could mean my death

“All I am is nothingness…”

And then the energy finally comes for me to wash my hair

I sit on the shower floor and breathe in the humid air

Holding on

my chest pressed  to my knees

Please please please 

I need relief

Breathe breathe breathe

“If something in me doesn’t change, I’m going to have to leave…”

What have I done?

What can I do? 

This cannot be the way to see this life through

But I don’t wanna be here for even  another minute 

I’m too far gone to hear my Inner Spirit

Knock knock knock

3 taps on the door

“Momma, whatcha been in there so long for?”

“Oh nothing much, baby, is going on in here, 

Just needed a quiet place to send God my prayers”

Using a towel to dry my face

Her voice-  the Holy Spirit’s Whisper that I must stay

“Even if it’s just for one more day…”