A soul journey

You ever wish you could go back in time and hug your ancestors. Look at them eye to eye and tell them all that’s become of their lineage, thanking them for granting you the chance to be here now. This morning, I spent time thinking about my great great grand-pa. He had kidney disease as a young man and spent most of his adult life in extreme pain. My great-grandma was nearly seven, sitting in a one room school house when she heard the gun shot echo through town. She knew it was her Daddy. I think about him and her. I recall the tellings of how he’d tried to prepare them, tried to make sure they understood they’d be better off with him gone, because townsfolk don’t like “lazy men.” My great great grand-pa could not work as a result of his condition and because of those things, he chose to leave this life, hoping someone would come along and be what he couldn’t. He was right…Today, I let my mind imagine myself, meeting him. I put my hands on his face and thanked him for staying as long as he did. I apologized to him, that the technology we have now, wasn’t available then, and I explained that I too, have had some kidney troubles and I cannot begin to imagine the depths of misery with no pain medication available, no surgery, no hope to an end of the suffering. I hugged him and we cried when I told him I know why he had to go, and that he showed great love, the self-sacrificing kind, and that his blood line is filled with happy healthy people. I gave his hand a final squeeze and we grinned-both in the closed mouth way we do… Then, the image faded and I opened my eyes to now, tears seeping from the corners of my eye-lids. I’m grateful to be here right now. And I’m forever in gratitude to my ancestors and the stories about them that I will never know, but that my DNA remembers…