Help me understand this-
I’m calling on you,
Yes, again—I’m calling on you
Speak to me, please
Quiet tears seep
And I just need your anything
Are you listening?
Can’t you see my cries?
Can’t you see that calling out for you has become my demise?
But I will keep on,
Cause its all I know to do
And my tears will seep on because of no response from you
Does it break your heart to watch me plead?
Does it break your heart to withhold from me?
Or are you just not there,
So why should I care?
I’ve been wired to believe
You’re just a bit out of my reach
And I hang on just enough
To know not to call your bluff
When I see someone claim
That you’re holding them
I can’t help but call on you completely in vain
Then I sit and I wait
I sit and I wait
Eager like a child listening for magic to arrive
And I have been a good girl
So why do you hide
Can’t you see that calling out for you has become my demise
These people say you speak to them, its got to be a delusion
Either that or a chosen confusion
Cause even when I was truest of trues
Peace came at the moment that I would choose
I loved having something to call on
Even better was someone to fall on
But reality is, it was in my head
Nothing concrete but a neurotransmitters release
It did what I needed
Filled up the gaps of my synapses and also of my pleading
My brain won’t allow cognitive dissonance anymore
So today I sit here on the floor
Asking again, which way do I go to get closer to you?
because I am speaking to the air?
With Every tear
It becomes clear
Either you’re withholding from me
By Stacy Johnson 8/3/19