Forever, and After

I sit on the ground…. the earth pulses beneath me.

The wind blows my hair. 

I breathe in. 

Look around. 

Listen. 

As beautiful as it all is, I can hardly fathom the periods this place has endured to make it suitable for me to sit right here, right now. Breathing in this oxygen. 

The violence this earth has accepted, even welcomed… and here we are.

Me breathing in and exhaling, is its gift to me…

I watch as a Butterfly floats about on the breeze. 

She is whimsical and flirtatious in her movements, coming close then ascending my grasp…

I turn my eyes slowly from the sun and sky until they hit green. 

An old Tree branches out above me, reaching its long sturdy arms in an attempt to thank the sun with a hug.  I wish it could tell me its stories… 

And I just sit and stare. Words, Vocabulary, Language—- it all escapes me….This is how I worship now.  

The warmth forces my eyes closed. Tears fall. I am here, getting to do THIS… 

Sometimes, my mortality and the impermanence of it all is overwhelming and I’m silenced to tears. 

 I hear the lyrics in my mind, “Like violence, you have me forever and after, like violence-you kill me, forever and after.”

I think on the relationship that is time,  and the earth, and humanity and it is a violent affair indeed, it always has been.  And, it does have me,  forever and even after. 

The very particles of my being are paradoxical, arising from the stuff of Matter and Antimatter, and just as the conditions battled it out for us to evolve, so too, will we return to that state of chaos after our galaxy collides with another. 

Our dust, will be the beginning of another’s evolution and that is what is meant by eternity…

I am grateful, I am at peace, and I am paradoxically,  contained violence. Forever, and after…

Thanks for reading….

*** lyrics belong to Blink 182’s “Violence.”

5 thoughts on “Forever, and After

  1. Can’t count all the eyes that stare
    Can’t count all the things they see
    She kills with no life to spare
    Just victims are left to bleed
    One drink and the pain goes down
    Soft shadows lay by her feet
    Lay soft as you slowly drown
    Lay still while you fall asleep….

    Comes back just like yesterday. So beautiful sister. That is life. That is what gives us meaning. It’s so beautiful! I wish I were there with you lying under the trees.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s interesting how pervasive the breath is in many creation stories. God breathed life into Adam, and the Upanishads speak of breath quite often in not only the making of the universe, but as an important part of meditation and self-reflection, which of course was passed on to Buddhism. There is a great lyric in one of my favorite Genesis songs called Say It’s Alright Joe:

    Say it’s alright Joe,
    I need another drink
    To blow on the glass so I know I’m alive

    I’ve always liked that line because there is something about breath that easily reminds you, you are alive. Though we breathe unconsciously we can become conscious of our breath and it is often a calming feeling.

    You also talk of impermanence and how it brought you to tears. I had a similar moment when I started practicing mindfulness meditation. Impermanence is one of the 4 noble truths in Buddhism. After that very emotional moment I shared it with my friend who was a regular practitioner of mindfulness meditation and he the good thing about that truth is that while we might be sad at the impermanence of that which is good, it equally implies that what is bad also does not last. I took comfort in that.

    Our dust, will be the beginning of another’s evolution and that is what is meant by eternity…

    I also take comfort in this. If we think beyond our consciousness and just to the extension of life in general, then we do live in on, as our matter is incorporated into new life. Just as old life has made me. I think that’s a beauty that no creation story could ever touch.

    So much in these thoughts Stacey. Thank you for sharing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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