Sexualized, a poem

I was 11

In Grade 6

Undeveloped 

Training bra

No cycle

Unwanted moisture in my panties

From a body about to blossom

I wore a skirt 

A shirt that zipped

Bell rings 

Class dismissed

Into the hall we pour

He was my age

16 in green though

He laughed

In his group 

See her shirt, “aww man, if I could just unzip it, I’d suck on them titties.”

.Suck on them titties.

I overheard

 But I was 11

Felt violated

Felt gross

But confused the most

Close my locker door

Hustle down the hall

Arms crossed over my chest

But there’s nothing to lick

I have buds, not breasts

I know that’s what this stage is called 

My momma read a book to me

About what’s happening to my body

Did I just cause someone to lust

All by simply wearing a shirt 

Did I sin, did I sin 

Still a child

Mind innocent

Crack in my soul 

Some dark gets in

Never wore my favorite shirt 

Again

>>>>>>>>>>written by: Stacy Johnson, January 23rd, 2019, 10:53 am

This is simply a spoken word poem I wrote on my first experience of being sexualized that I can recall. Allowing myself to go back to these places, is a part of me identifying moments that brought shame and guilt that I’ve carried. While not the intention of the religion I was raised in, it was my internalization of it, none-the-less. I am reclaiming the parts of myself that I lost or let go of long ago. And this moment is one in which I’m calling out to my younger self, “This wasn’t your burden to carry baby girl.”

I have an 11 year old daughter, she is wild and strong. She would yell, “Fuck You,” to a boy speaking such over her. And I would applaud her.